


If You Give a Hobgoblin a Beer...

by CousinNick



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Badass Theo in control, Folklore rules, Highschool House Party, I am a firm believer in Robin being new to experiences, LET THE GOBLIN BOY SAY FUCK, M/M, Magic, Making Out, Sex, Teenage shenanagins, Transgender, but also being snarky with friends, lots of swearing because uh LET THE GOBLIN SAY FUCK, mention of the obvi dark stuff in Sabrina, underage safe drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CousinNick/pseuds/CousinNick
Summary: Okay, so maybe they didn't know what would happen if they gave a supernatural magical entity a red solo cup and a keg tap. But really, what could go possibly go wrong?...Or, in other words, Theo is determined to give Robin the teenager experience that he never had while travelling with the Carnival, and recruits the rest of the Fright Club to throw him a good ol' fashion House Party complete with terrible club music accompanying terrible dancing, spin-the-bottle, and beer. A whole lotta' beer.
Relationships: Robin Goodfellow (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina)/Theo Putnam
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	1. If You Give a Hobgoblin a Beer...

**Author's Note:**

> I have a great amount of affection for other fic authors who have written Robin as this gangly awkward boy who has his head way above water, and I wanted to keep that character profile for him while also giving him a bit of a snarky streak that gets awakened whenever he interacts with Theo. As a trans man myself, I wanted Theo to have a backbone without compromising his ability to be secure in his masculinity and femininity. Also, again, the mantra of this fic is LET THE GOBLIN SAY FUCK.
> 
> This fic will probably be like...4 or 5 chapters long. So, have fun!

“Wait, no bullshitting—you’ve never been to a house party?”  


Robin was amused by how shocked Theo was to hear that he had never been to a High School party, as if human shindigs with a keg could match anything a Saytr and his pagan worshippers could get up to in a brisk field at midnight.  


He shrugged, his raised eyebrows disappearing into his faded baseball cap. He knew no mortals could see his ears while the glamour held, but it still made him uneasy and exposed, so the hat stayed firmly snug on his head. He tugged on it just for good measure.  


“We always moved around, like I said. Not much time to bump elbows with the popular crowd and get an invite to the next sweet-sixteen. Plus, I usually had to help with the carnival after school, and I dunno…” Robin trailed off with a frown. “It just never felt safe, to hang around the mortals and freely act like one of them.” _Especially_ , he thought grimly, _when usually his sole purpose for making friends was so that they’d be sacrificed in ritual like sheep to the slaughter._ It was unnecessary to get attached to anyone he could call a friend, and it just made the sacred rites that much harder in the long run to complete. Messy is as messy does, and Robin couldn’t afford to be relaxed with his targets in days past, not when the carnival was depending on his loyalty.  


Yet, those days were behind him, he reminded himself firmly. Definitely.  


Theo laughed softly. “Yeah, but, um you’re kinda’ doing that now…” He tugged at Robin’s suspiciously round ears for emphasis.  


“Yeah okay, I know that, tough guy.” Robin playfully swatted away Theo’s fingers. He shivered and blushed despite himself. He’d have to have a talk with his boyfriend about touching his ears too freely just in case his teenage hormones spiked and messed up his glamour. It’d never been a problem before, but then again, he’d never been this besotted and attached to the hip of a mortal like this.  


“If it’s that important to you, we can have a night out…” He assented, loving the way Theo’s eyes shined with pleasure at the prospect of a wild night with his partner.  


“If what’s important?” Harvey ask, sidling up to the row of lockers with Roz in tow and Sabrina following close behind. Both girls had on their cheerleading outfits and the swishing of their pompoms dangling from their backpacks rustled as they walked.  


Robin relaxed against Theo’s shoulder, feeling a bit more secure around the other mortals who he had tentatively started to call his friends. Roz’s sight hadn’t seen anything foul about him as of late, and he trusted her cunning to be a good barometer of character even if he couldn’t always trust himself. Harvey was still a little protective over Theo, for reasons he didn’t quite know yet, but the witch-hunter had yet to point his rifle at him, so Robin hoped they were friends. Sabrina still spooked him a little bit, especially after witnessing her immense power. She was vicious and unbridled and everything in Robin’s magical blood screamed for him to beware the half-witch. But if Theo trusted her, then Robin could too. He’d proved himself to the satanic witches as their ally and there was hopefully no reason to further anticipate their wrath.  


“My lack of a social life, apparently.” Robin smiled, and earned a soft elbow to his ribs from Theo. “I didn’t say that,” the shorter leveled the taller with a glare that had no real heat in it. He turned to Harvey. “Robin’s never been to a party.”  


“No shit…” Harvey blinked.  


Again, the Hobgoblin shrugged easily. “For the entirety of my childhood just assume I was grounded or spending my afternoons spinning cotton-candy, cleaning up tilt-a-whirl puke, or throwing tennis balls at milk bottles.”  


Though it was meant to be a joke, it wasn’t necessarily untrue. Every town they rolled into he was expected to attend classes, befriend kids, work at the carnival after school, and always be on the lookout out for _the useful ones_ —that was Carcosa’s word for them. Circe always called their victims _vestals_ as some twisted way to honor their sacrifice—she was more old fashion like that he supposed. Nagaina just warned him to never slip up or face the wrath of her fangs.  


Back when he was very young, collecting them was an easy thing to do and most often it felt like a child's game since he never was privy to the bloodshed. Of what came after he led the innocents to the tents. He didn’t mind lying to mortals, because he was always told it was for the betterment of the world to go back to the old ways when the old Gods reigned. He was good at it too—it was in his blood as a Hobgoblin to be mischievous and to delight in trickery and he relished in his ability to please those who he used to call his kin. It was only when he started to age, started to meet older kids where the selection of who was ripe and “useful” became more and more blurred, that it started to feel more sinister. It was also when he saw the carnage first hand.  


Each school he went to he was expected to make his choice of a suitable candidate. That’s when the harvesting of _vestals_ got a bit more personal. It was in the third month of his freshman year when the carnival parked outside of a small town in Iowa and he befriended a girl his age who adored the zebras in the circus' petting zoo, had shiny red hair, and who told Robin her dream career was to be a journalist travelling to far off places like Cairo and Tokyo. She asked him once what he wanted to be when he grew up, but he honestly didn’t know how to answer. “Maybe you’ll go into the military like your folks—you can be a medic, if you want—helping people instead of, you know…” her voice was thoughtful as it drifted off and it hurt Robin so much to look into his new friends eyes and force a smile. “Yeah, that sounds like a good life.”  


She was nice and trusting, perfectly fitting the criteria Robin had in his mind for a vestal that would please Carcosa, Circe, and Nagaina. She would have been easily led. Her name was Lydia, and before Robin had time to warn her, to tell her to get out of town, _they_ got to her.  


After her throat was slit Robin threw up behind the ring-toss booth and cried quietly for hours in the back of Carcosa’s pickup truck. They packed up and left the very next day. New town, new people, new harvest.  


Things started to change when Robin realized what his role had been all along—bait. Leading the prey right to the predator. After that, shit just got harder and harder to go along with.  


Robin shook his head sharply, clenching and unclenching his jaw as the memories faded like swiping away at clinging cobwebs. He didn’t realize until a few seconds later that Theo had a squeezing grip on his arm and was staring up at him worriedly.  


Robin cleared his throat with a dry cough. “But...I’m willing to ditch the sad orphan story in order to have fun with my man…” He gave a mischievous wink to the brunette.  


Theo still looked concerned, but he slipped a tentative smile on his lips. “We’ll make sure you have a good time, I promise. I’ll take care of you.” The firm declaration made something warm bloom in Robin’s chest, and he let the words wash over him briefly so that the tension he didn’t realize he had been holding in his gangly limbs bled away. Theo always seemed to have that restorative effect on him and like a plant that craved sunlight, Robin leaned into the affection.  


“Yeah dude, you’ll have fun. We can invite some people from class,” Harvey urged reassuringly, his kind brown eyes reminding Robin of a trusting Labrador and he felt better at the other boy’s sincerity. “I’ve got a crate of beer in the basement just collecting dust now since my dad gave up drinking.”  


“You had beer this entire time and you didn’t bother sharing?” Theo scoffed with mirth, Harvey grinning back.  


“Can’t have you gettin’ all tipsy at band practice, now can we? _Teenage Dirt Bag_ already sounds like a car crash without you getting hungover.” He ruffled Theo’s hair to further his teasing just a bit more. The brunette flipped off the taller boy with a scoff.  


Robin suddenly had an intense wish to see what a tipsy Theo would be like. Probably even more handsy and a lot mouthier with enough swearing to put Lucifer to shame. He snorted softly to himself at the prospect. This, he had to experience for himself.  


“Brina’, do you think your witch friends would be interested? I’m sure the cheerleaders and basketball players would be game.” Roz questioned, but Sabrina was already nodding her assurance with a quick bop of her head.  


“I can think of at least a few ghouls and goblins who might be up for a little partying—ah, pardon the phrasing.” She winced.  
Robin lifted his hands up in a gesture of _no offence taken._  


“Hell yeah! It’ll be like that mixer we had last year!” Theo quipped.  


“Except with more beer-pong and less jumping off buildings!” Harvey agreed. Roz rolled her eyes.  


At the look of sudden alarm on Robin’s face Theo laughed.  


“Don’t worry dude, if I fall, I’m sure you’ll be able to catch me with your super speed.”  


Robin furrowed his brow. “Let’s not test that theory…”  


Theo stuck out the tip of his tongue, the pads of his fingers dancing along the goblin’s ribcage—or what he could feel underneath all the layers of baggy clothing Robin always seemed accustomed to armor himself with. Maybe it helped with the glamour, Theo considered. He’d have to ask later.  


“How does this Friday night sound? There will be a waxing moon so the coven will be released from their duties for now, and my Aunties can’t possibly object to having the party safe within our warded walls. It’ll be like a welcome home celebration, a proper one for our newest member.” Sabrina’s eyes sparkled like cold stars. Already her mind was determinedly made up and Robin had the distinct feeling that no one had ever said “no,” to the young Spellman to any avail.  


“Sounds perfect.” Theo agreed on behalf of the couple, already thrumming with excitement. He didn’t think he’d ever stop being thankful that his friends were so cool about accepting Robin into their group. It had been a rocky start, and shifting loyalties were messy, but he knew with a little more coaxing Robin would feel more comfortable around the other four. Theo didn’t know the exact kind of hell the goblin had been experiencing all these years, but he was determined to never have Robin experience his struggles without support, and most importantly love. Theo could be strong enough for the both of them if he needed to be. He had already walked to Hell and back and was pretty good at maneuvering the shittiness that was High School. Just try and let the Universe fuck with him or his loved ones again.  


Robin smiled to himself, pleased that Theo was excited to teach him yet another aspect of what life could be—no sneaking around, no rootless restlessness, and no bullshit old chants and rituals. Just normal kids planning a Friday night massacre of popcorn, cheap beer, and a total lack of inhibitions.  


“I am in your capable hands.” Robin wrapped his arms around Theo’s middle, gently yanking the shorter closer and resting his chin on the brunette’s soft cropped hair. He could feel the other shake with anticipation, and that’s all it took for Robin’s heart to burn warm with affection.  


“Alriiiiiight, Fright Club on three!” Harvey shoved his fist in-betwixt their little circle with zeal. Urged on by Theo’s gentle hand guiding his, Robin raised his palm up with the others as they shouted “One, two, three! Fright Club!” And managed a warbled voice to join their own strong cheer. Feeling finally that this was what it was like to have real friends, Robin allowed himself a real smile, gap tooth and all.


	2. ...He'll Want to Fight the Entire Football Team...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you give a Hobgoblin a beer....he'll want to fight the entire football team.

Friday afternoon at Baxter High was bustling with jittering teenagers shoving and twisting past one another like animals in cages. Each jeer and shove made his skin especially prickly with their energy knocking back and forth against his glamour in rippling waves. For every spike of excitement and restlessness, his own emotions perk up until he felt his skin grow hot and itchy. Who knew the promise of a Friday night could put humans so on edge?  


Robin, for his part, had been patient the entire week. In-between reading Shakespeare plays (and laughing his ass off each time so much as a faerie was mentioned), tackling confusing algebra worksheets, and feeling pleasantly at home in AP Environmental science class, he had been going about his normal routine with Theo and the Fright Club. Eating greasy cheeseburgers at Dr. Cee’s, attempting homework on the bleachers during Theo’s basketball practice, and taking long walks in the woods on the way to the Putnam farm to ensure optimal privacy for make out sessions. It was a simple life, and a nice one, and that’s how Robin liked it. Witches, demons, and a smattering of hexes was more lowkey than his previous normal, so he’d take it all in a heartbeat.  


Per usual, on this particular Friday Robin waited for Theo outside of the gym while the other finished P.E., the last period of the day for the brunette. The sun was still going strong in the sky and so the goblin had tied his sweatshirt around his waist and was lazily pushing his skateboard back and forth under his feet. Soon he heard heavy doors pushed open on old hinges and chattering students filing out from the locker rooms. He bounced the flat of his converse on the deck and popped the board back into his waiting grasp, tucking it into the seam of his ratty backpack.  


It wasn’t long before he spotted his boyfriend amongst a clump of jocks, their red and yellow Letterman Jackets like a predators’ camouflage to warn surrounding students to beware—here come the Kings and Princes of the school. Look at them the wrong way and you’ll find yourself stuffed into the empty recesses of a cramped locker. Robin bit his lip and waited.  


Billy was the first to spot him and wasn’t shy about getting the goblins’ attention. “Hey—new kid, didn’t you hear? Halloween isn’t for like another six months. Maybe ditch the Frankenstein vibe before someone comes at you with pitchforks, yeah?” The goblin tensed his shoulders but forced himself to meet the human’s mocking gaze.  


“ _Frankenstein_ is the name of the scientist, dipshit.” He mumbled and forced himself to remember that he didn’t need to be afraid of High School bullies, especially mortal ones. He was a child of the Fey, for Gods sakes. Blood of old and mischief coursed through his veins, spiced with the heat of devils and sprites recorded in poems and ballads forfeit to time.  


The basketball players all cackled at Robin’s resolute stare and hunched shoulders, all except Theo who was already shouldering past the hulking giants to stand next to the lanky boy.  


“Down Billy, you might hurt yourself...” Theo drawled, already done with the toxic masculinity that was wafting around the quad as he side-stepped his teammates.  


“I’m not gonna’ let _Boulevard of Broken Dreams_ lookin’ fuck test my patience like that, Theo. A man’s got pride…” Billy argued, sauntering over to shove a finger in Robin’s chest. It took all of the goblin’s resolve to not bite the digit off at the knuckle, bloody and ragged.  


What the fuck was it with humans? They always walked around like they were invincible…did that kind of ego just naturally appear when the garden of Eden was opened or did it come with the dawn of the 21st century when capitalism screwed over the world and MTV stopped playing good music and pissed everyone off?  


“Christ, man, you look like you’re going to piss your cargo pants. Relax, skate-rat!” The jock jeered and Robin visibly flinched when the blond lightly punched his shoulder.  


Theo shoved past the blond and stared up at him with a glare more fiery than the hottest pits of Hell. “Touch him again and you’ll regret it.” He warned.  


Robin’s Adams’ apple bobbed in his throat as he watched his boyfriend fiddle in his pockets for the swiss army knife the goblin knew he kept on his keychain.  


“Aw, c’mon Putnam, I wasn’t gonna’ bite—I know this nerd is your friend.” Billy’s voice was teasing, but already Robin’s calculating eyes could see the taller boy was backing off. His eyes trailed between Theo and Robin as if he was genuinely upset the smaller guy thought he was up to no good.  


Honestly, it was amazing to see the kind of effect Theo could have on these guys. They respected him, Robin knew, for the hard work and training he put into his craft. But they also knew not to fuck with him when shit went down. He had won them over somehow and now his word was law, lest they feel the kids biting wrath. It was some weird culmination of High School bravado, sportsmanship affection, and guilt but the concoction seemed to work for the smaller and he readily took advantage of it.  


“C’mon man, you’re a big boy—wrestle up the last two braincells knocking around in that head of yours and give Robin a real apology.” Theo snapped, but he wasn’t even looking at Billy anymore. Instead he preoccupied himself with shoving his sneakers into his gym bag and shrugging into his leather jacket. Gods, Robin was entranced by him and his ability to reign in men twice his side with a biting handful of words.  


Rolling his eyes, Billy huffed out an apology, mumbling something about forgetting that the carny kid was with Theo.  


“You can do better than that, asshole. Now, apologize to my boyfriend or I’ll have Sabrina and Roz tell the entire cheerleading squad that you stuff your jockstrap with tube socks before every pep rally.”  


Robin choked on his spit in surprise just as Billy Marlin’s jaw dropped for a split second.  


The entire team of basketball players absolutely lost their shit in fits of cackling laughter. Jabbing their elbows into the ribs of their team captain they reminded Robin of a pack of hyena’s, loud and obnoxious with far too much drool dripping from their jowls.  


Screwing up his face in a flash of annoyance, Marlin sucked in a sharp breath before releasing it with a short hum of diplomatic consideration.  


“Theo Putnam, you got some balls of steel to threaten me like that.”  


The brunette shrugged with a smirk. “I mean, I really don’t, but I appreciate the sentiment.”  


Billy barked out a laugh, though there was a shift of guilt in his eyes that Robin wanted to know more about but decided now was not the time to investigate.  


Instead he instantly scooted closer to his partner, trying to block Theo with his shoulder and taller limbs just in case Marlin was about to land a punch in their direction. Instead, however, the blond merely grinned a boyish smile that showed off his perfectly white teeth.  


“Alright,” he sighed with a heave of breath as if the effort to acknowledge Robin with more than a “hey fuckface,” was painful.  


He flicked his gaze to the lanky teen for a once over, the amusement of a smirk never leaving his lips. Robin shifted uncomfortably, wishing he could make himself even smaller in this form but to do that he’d have to reconfigure his glamour and he was pretty sure Billy would notice him shrinking from six feet down to four...  


“Hmph, never thought you’d be one for the emo twinks, Putnam, but we can’t all have good taste—”  


“ _Jeeeeesus Christ_ , Billy, get on with it, I got shit to do…” Theo hissed, dragging his short nails down his face.  


“Right, right,” the jock laughed, increasing both Robin’s confusion and nervousness.  


Extending his fist towards the lanky other, Billy wrangled his features in something less threatening and more friendly. In an instance there was a shift in his demeanor and Robin felt it like whiplash. Back at the carnival he always needed to be on high alert for the moods and fancies of his family. If Carcosa was in a bad temper, Robin could tell by the set of his shoulders and the heaviness of his eyebrows brooding over those ancient eyes. Robin got good at anticipating mood shifts since it was how he learned to survive all this time. But it was the ease and newfound humor in Billy’s eyes that honestly confused the ever-loving shit out of him.  


Extending out his hand, the football player grabbed Robin’s clammy palm and gave it a good shake.  


“Sorry man, I promise I’ll reign it in. You’re lucky though that this little shit is your boyfriend. If it wasn’t for him, I’d have already punched you so hard the green in your hair would bounce off.”  


“…’kay. Thanks...I think…” Robin winced.  


Satisfied, Billy turned back to Theo with mirth. It was as if he had never been chastened by the feisty teenager in the first place by the lazy tilt of his smirk.  


“We’ll see you guys at the party tonight,” his eyes flicked to Robin’s, “and you—welcome to the rising ranks, new kid. I wanna’ have a beer with you before the night’s end.” He tilted his chin up in one last acknowledgement of the dumbfounded goblin before he rallied his friends with a crack about hoping the Spellman’s would ditch the Halloween decorations this time for their party. All those cobwebs and skulls in the foyer were really fuckin’ creepy and looked like a discount Hot-Topic. Also, did they even own a single lightbulb in that house? Like, really, call a fuckin’ electrician why didn’t they.  


“What just happened?” Robin blinked rapidly, pleased that the smell of toxic masculinity and AXE-body spray started to dissipate the farther away the clump of athletes moved away from the quad and out into the wilds of Greendale. Good riddance.  


“Also,” he mumbled, his fingers still trembling as he turned to Theo. “What the fuck is a twink?”  


The brunette clipped out a laugh before he squeezed his eyes tight like he was in pain. With an exasperating sigh he started to count backwards from ten, in between every odd number cursing out Billy Marlin for being, well, Billy Marlin. Robin followed him close behind, chattering nonstop about how school politics were insane and how Theo Putnam was akin to a lion taming _God._


End file.
